Do you want a better marriage? Do you want to understand your husband better? At SC3 Partners, we want to help you make sense of the man you married (it can be tough sometimes, we know) ... so that your relationship can bring life and fulfillment to both of you. Here are three things every man wishes his wife understood, even though you may never hear him talk about them. 

(Caveat: We’re not the first ones to notice these three things, but we’re constantly amazed at how surprised women are to hear that they’re actually true ... and that the struggles that have brought them to marriage or couples counseling have something to do with these fundamental issues.)

#1 - He wants you to be proud of him.
He wants you to brag about him to other people. He wants you to notice who he is ... and tell him that you like being his wife. He wants you to respect him. This can be difficult, of course, if your husband or boyfriend isn’t acting in ways that inspire you to be proud of him. If you can find small, specific things that he’s doing that you can mention, do it! Write him a two-line note that tells him how proud you are to be his wife, tell him when you talk to him on the phone, let him “catch” you saying good things about him to your kids or to a friend of yours. He won’t say it out loud, but it will mean a lot to him. 

#2 - He wants to be the hero.
This is connected to the first point, but slightly different. Sometimes wives think they are helping their husbands by “not bothering him” with things they are struggling with—whether those struggles are at work or at home. You might tend to think that “he’s stressed out already, I don’t want to add anything to his load,” but you’re actually robbing him of an opportunity to be the hero. Ask him to stop by the grocery store on his way home and tell him that “you’re really saving me by doing that.” Ask him to help you figure out how to handle a situation at work and that “you need his help” with it. Men want to be needed. If he’s disengaging at home, it may be because you’ve handled everything and he doesn’t feel like he has a significant role to fill. Expect more from him, because he really wants to give more.

#3 - Yes, sex is that important.
Don’t try to understand this one. Don’t over-analyze it and try to figure out why. You may never understand why sex is so important to your husband ... but it is. He may not explain it in terms of emotional intimacy or personal connection, but that doesn’t mean those things aren’t true. This is one of the ways you can show him that you love him ... and he’ll clearly get the message. 

See? It’s not rocket science. And we’re certainly not the first to articulate these things. But they are very true and we’ve seen them over and over again in our work with couples in counseling. And, surprisingly, many women would say that they know these things, but they don’t act on that knowledge. Small efforts in these three areas can yield huge benefits in your marriage. Try it ... and you’ll see.

If you or someone you know is struggling with marriage or relationship issues, we’d would love to help.  Contact SC3 Partners today to make an appointment.